Meltdown in aisle three! 

We all know that meltdowns in children are an inevitability. 

No matter the particular stressor at that moment, many things can cause tantrums and tears, particularly in younger children and toddlers. 

This is where self-regulation comes in. 

What is self-regulation?

Self-regulation is the ability to manage your emotions and behaviour according to the demands of the situation.

When something is highly upsetting, we can expect to have a harder time resisting an uncontrollably strong reaction.

For less stressful or upsetting situations, we learn to handle frustrations without an outburst of emotions. 

What we learn through life is the ability to calm ourselves down when we’re upset. As we mature, we use self-regulation tools to navigate the unpredictable nature of the world and our feelings. 

At Mind Marvels, we focus on teaching kids calming emotional tools in our sessions which are so important for self-regulation as they grow older. 

How to recognise emotional dysregulation in children? 

Kids can experience challenges with emotional self-regulation in different ways. 

Children react instantly with intense emotions and little warning, unable to control their immediate response.

For others, distress gradually builds up until it leads to a behavioural outburst. 

In both cases, children must learn to manage these intense feelings and find healthier, more effective ways to express their emotions rather than resort to disruptive behaviours.

It must also be noted that children with ADHD and anxiety will find self-regulation harder and may need a bit more help to manage their emotions. 

It is also important to remember that everyone struggles to manage their emotions sometimes!

Co-regulation with younger children

To teach self-regulation in younger children, it’s crucial to understand how co-regulation works. 

When supporting your child in regulating their emotions, you need to be aware of your own emotions, your reaction to them, and how they may affect your child’s emotions (also known as co-regulation).

You can use your presence to calm and reset your child’s brain. 

Firstly, you need to regulate yourself, making sure you are calm. Then, get close and make eye contact. Listen to their problem with curiosity and seek to understand. Show empathy. Listen again and offer warm affection (with consent). 

How to offer a supportive framework for self-regulation

It’s also good to provide ‘scaffolding’ – not avoiding difficult situations but guiding them through moments of stress while offering a supportive framework. 

Imagine a child struggling with a challenging homework assignment, leading to strong negative emotions. If a parent becomes overly involved, they might unintentionally take over the role of managing the child’s emotions.

Instead of the child learning to recognise their frustration and developing coping strategies, they may begin to associate their frustration with the parent’s insistence on completing the task, rather than the difficulty of the work itself. This can prevent the child from learning how to handle such emotions independently.

In this situation, scaffolding could involve helping the child with one homework question and then encouraging them to tackle the rest on their own.

If they become frustrated, they might take a short break, like getting a drink, or use a timer to schedule regular pauses. The parent would check in periodically, offering encouragement and praise for their effort.

To make it more manageable, you can build a chain of self-regulation. For example, set a time for them to get dressed in the morning, then add a time for them to have breakfast, and so on.

Self-regulation activities for children

Mindfulness techniques and activities are great for everyone, especially for children with self-regulation challenges.

• Leaf deep breathing exercise

What you need: Paper and pens or crayons and scissors.

Find somewhere outdoors and look for a leaf to draw. Encourage the kids to colour in the leaf in their favourite colours, perhaps matching this to the season, and carefully cut out the leaf shapes. 

Take the leaf and hold it up, and demonstrate how to take slow, deep breaths. Raising the leaf as you inhale and lowering it as you exhale. 

Let your kid(s) follow your lead as they observe the leaf and repeat the process. You can also get the to imagine the leaf falling to the ground and flying up into the air as they lower and raise their leaf. 

• Role play or puppets to tell a story

What you need: Your imagination, puppets (teddies, socks) – whatever you have available!

Use role-play or puppet shows to tell stories and describe emotions in a fun way. 

You can create characters and a simple story to follow and ask your child to describe what the faces or actions of the characters mean.

Not only does this help build vocabulary skills, it allows them to work out what was happening in the story by describing the people, situations and what they might be saying and feeling.

Telling stories for self-regulation encourages kids to be reflective, more thoughtful and self-aware. 

This can also be done with a picture story book! 

• Self-control bubbles

What you need: Lots of bubbles!

This can be done one-to-one or as part of a group. You can use this as an opportunity to sit down and explain what self regulation is, how it feels to be overwhelmed and what that might look like. 

First blow the bubbles and see how fast they can pop all of the bubbles. Then repeat blowing the bubbles, however this time they aren’t allowed to pop any of the bubbles. 

Blowing bubbles is a great visual aid to engage kids in a conversation about the feeling of wanting to do something, but having to hold back. 

We all benefit from using these techniques and having an awareness of how to regulate our emotions. Ultimately, it’s good for us to slow down and become more self-aware. 

Help your child build emotional resilience and learn healthy ways to navigate big feelings. Discover local community sessions that support their self-regulation journey. Learn more today!